How Racist Friends Could Use You (And the Suicide Epidemic)

My experiences with all my white friends have been bad, and they’ve all been (or eventually became) racist. And the only one who actually tried to stop being racist committed suicide due to  bullying by his peers in the Scandinavian white suburbs that I lived at being younger. He was a college professor from ‘Italy and Russia’ last time he told me, and no doubt, he certainly looked that way, but we both were staying in Sweden at the time where suicide rates tend to be high for the declining ethnic/white Scandinavian population. In Scandinavian in fact, the suicide rate goes as high as 14.08. Here in American the suicide rate is only 12.1.  And among this group of white people who have been committing suicide the most, middle-aged white men. So, I doubt I’m the only one this has happened too. (Source)

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Also suicide rates haven’t been just increasing for white men, of course, but for white females as well. The last white female I used to be friends, her name Erin Struthers, was in fact thinking about suicide. She admitted that she’s actually tried to do it. I never thought she actually tried to encourage me, though. But, then should I think that’s weird for a person thinking of suicide to not feel bad about making someone else die?

Psst… Especially when their the racial group of having increased suicide rates? *rhetorical question*

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Stay quiet for White Fragility, though

I should of stopped being her friend after that, but I had grown dependent on her having lived on my own and being ignored and abused by my white foster father. I also really enjoyed the company of her mother, but that was to my detriment. She turned out to actually not be just a racist like most white people, but had the ability to be a really dangerous/psychopathic person.

So, when she asked me to go out somewhere with her, and I forgot by accidentally going to sleep (and I didn’t like her as much as I thought or tried to). She told me she was upset with me for ‘waiting by herself outside because it was cold’ and I agreed. It was cold, so I apologized.

But, then I looked down at her outfit, and saw how short her dress, which revealed her fishnets on her stubby legs. And then how odd it was for her to be wearing a tank top in 20 degree temperature….


She was a prostitute. And I found out by her mother telling me that she was just using me to get out of the house, because her mom only trusted me when I was out with her, so she would lie to her mother about me always being there with her. That’s when I realized after hearing people yell from their cars things like ‘slut’ and ‘hooker’ that she really was one and was she using me to get away with prostitution, and that she really did ‘hate me for waiting for me outside’ because at least by using me, she got someone to blame.

So, getting spooked out and shaken, I just stopped hanging around her altogether, and when it came time to move away from the poor little city unto a nicer area for college. She simply became jealous and told her mom ‘She should kill herself’ and that her relative that living in the state I was going to ‘should try to kill me too’. She was just as much of a danger to herself, as she was with anyone else.

So, when she joked to one of her friends in elementary about ‘me being dead’ she really meant it even being an adult. She wasn’t just a danger to herself for suicide, but could be just as much of a danger to me. 

And now it is easier for me to understand my situation when I saw the statistical information about suicide. It had me realize that this situation could be a lot more common than I thought. It also helped me realize that education really is important for the black community. How can we ever grow as a people and challenge racism if we aren’t educated the right way about it, but also the surrounding environment (statistics and the information they keep from us at school). We really DO need to have our OWN education in Black America, because it made it too easy for white females like her to use me.

And even if a white person is your friend, it’s not like they’re very likely to be educating themselves about the black community or even respecting it as they don’t bother to talk to any other black people except for that ‘black friend’ I used to be used for only to find out that friend wanted me dead. And by making me her token, she also didn’t have to bring me around her white real friends, she was just using me to get away with prostituting herself anyway, as she told her mom.

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So, it’s strange when people sing about how ‘people are able to kill someone’ Maybe it’s honestly, because they don’t think much about offing themselves. My white best friend didn’t.

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